Post by lostandafraid on Apr 15, 2013 13:14:51 GMT -5
Where to start. About 6 months ago I was letting a self proclaimed succubus drain my energy for feeding. All of a sudden I took the deepest breath I've ever taken out of reflex, and she was suddenly unconscious for several hours. A day later she attempted to drain me again but we were more cautious and she talked me through it. She drained me for a long time and I became very weak, I don't know how else to describe the experience. After I gathered energy with her guidance and from what I had read online. She checked my energy levels and was shocked that I was brimming with energy again after only meditating for 15mins. After that I've been left to fend for myself.
Now I'd like to go to my childhood and the strange experiences I've had. I've had 3 near death experiences in my short life. As in the doctors said, “You should be dead. I've never seen anyone survive that. I don't know why you're not dead, but you should be.” Different doctors also. I can feel others feelings. I had strong emotional experiences when mass death have happened, one note worthy being 9/11. I don't know when, who, or where, but just the feeling that death is collecting taxes, I hope that makes sense. I've found myself face to face with a criminal of the most disgusting fashion, for 6 months I writhed with hatred and I feel I willed his health to a minimum, and in the hospital purposely took the last of his life force and then they died. I've had to live with this and will have to continue living with this, I also feel like I'm never alone. I met a pagan once who said she was tortured by a poltergeist in her childhood and she showed me the land it was locked to, her words. I was able to describe the poltergeist to her and she didn't have to say a word, she really didn't say much of anything except to stay the f*** away from her. I've influenced people up to 60 miles away. “I'm in love with you and I don't know why. Why are you so addicting.” This from a high priestess of a coven. I've been called silver tongued, like I know people and just what to say to have profound impact on them the first time I meet them knowing nothing previously. My friends always say they feel drained after being around me for a short time.
I had what I can only express as a tantric experience once where a woman appeared in my minds eye while I was awake. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and we made love. I've had 'things' yell at my minds eye. I've felt an overwhelming presence with the eye of a reptilian staring directly into my minds eye.
I am not trying to brag, I am not doing these things intentionally they are mainly reflex and instinctual. I seek guidance and understanding, but most of all Truth.
What am I? How do I control my abilities? How do I prevent myself from hurting others? How do I become stronger/train so I may defend those that can't defend themselves?
Will someone please help me. I'm terrified of myself. I don't feel human.
Now I'd like to go to my childhood and the strange experiences I've had. I've had 3 near death experiences in my short life. As in the doctors said, “You should be dead. I've never seen anyone survive that. I don't know why you're not dead, but you should be.” Different doctors also. I can feel others feelings. I had strong emotional experiences when mass death have happened, one note worthy being 9/11. I don't know when, who, or where, but just the feeling that death is collecting taxes, I hope that makes sense. I've found myself face to face with a criminal of the most disgusting fashion, for 6 months I writhed with hatred and I feel I willed his health to a minimum, and in the hospital purposely took the last of his life force and then they died. I've had to live with this and will have to continue living with this, I also feel like I'm never alone. I met a pagan once who said she was tortured by a poltergeist in her childhood and she showed me the land it was locked to, her words. I was able to describe the poltergeist to her and she didn't have to say a word, she really didn't say much of anything except to stay the f*** away from her. I've influenced people up to 60 miles away. “I'm in love with you and I don't know why. Why are you so addicting.” This from a high priestess of a coven. I've been called silver tongued, like I know people and just what to say to have profound impact on them the first time I meet them knowing nothing previously. My friends always say they feel drained after being around me for a short time.
I had what I can only express as a tantric experience once where a woman appeared in my minds eye while I was awake. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and we made love. I've had 'things' yell at my minds eye. I've felt an overwhelming presence with the eye of a reptilian staring directly into my minds eye.
I am not trying to brag, I am not doing these things intentionally they are mainly reflex and instinctual. I seek guidance and understanding, but most of all Truth.
What am I? How do I control my abilities? How do I prevent myself from hurting others? How do I become stronger/train so I may defend those that can't defend themselves?
Will someone please help me. I'm terrified of myself. I don't feel human.