Post by anubis on Oct 20, 2012 11:39:27 GMT -5
Sorry for my bad grammar and spelling...
I'm a 17-year-old South Korean, and I'm quiet different than any other. I was almost always this way, so if I already had the awakening process, I would had symptoms more noticible like when I was 8, 13, 14 and 17, which is now.
1. Sometimes I can't control my self-my muscles tensions, gets nervous, trembles-so all I have to do is scratching the floor or skins(results in hurting my self) I don't have this symptoms always, but It's pretty bad.
2. Craving for Blood/rare meat.
If I was vampiric I would only have craving for blood... but rare meat? that's kindda dangerous, because I got obsessed with thoughts with violence-to get rare meat.
I started to eat rare steaks these days...
my mom already knows when I need blood. I crave, of course. Mom says at that time I have dark circles around my eyes, and my eyes go kindda 'weird'and scary' though I don't know how do they looks
So she dragged me to the restorant. the waiter said that mostly once the people who tries rare steaks they change steaks to medium.
Once I tried rare , I was in love with it. Mom said I looked 'overly excited' but said wasn't a bad one.
I was too tired today, and mom took me and my friends to have rare steaks even though I wasn't 'prepared' to have one...
then I noticed something totaly different in me
I was overly excited, not tensioned and out of my mind(later my mom stated it as I was in coma)
and I couldn't get the meat out of my mind. RARE meats with Blood. It wasn't the first time I was obsessed with blood, so I was kindda ok with that
but when my friends and I went to buy animals, things were different.
My friend said with a turtle on her palm, "oh isn't that turtle lovely?'
and I tried to EAT IT. like biting it.
I was fortunate, because my friends knows my behavior when lossing mind...
I felt uncomfortable trying not to eat parrots. I almost grapped it but my friends stopped me.
I didn't feel anything at that time, I felt like, addicted to that feeling of violence of something.
mom said I was out of my focus, not focusing on anything.
Well then, I have a very good mom.
It was quiet fortunate for me to say things I need since I was 15 , such as:
"mom I want to drink blood"
She knows that, because I have actually drunk...and caused a problem when I was 13. I'm 17 now, and I just knew the vampire site.
When I was 13, after the problem, went to a hospital, found nothing, even psychiatry didn't help.
I thought I was mad when I was 13, and mom just ignored me and tried to find other solution. She had me have ferrum pills for years,
I tried to look normal, but the impulses changed to stress and violence... and finally, Bigger Impulses.
Nothing worked but time. I tried to calm my impulses shouting in me. Talked to my most truthful friend that I can't stop thinking of the blood IF someone talks about it, even a icon that my cause thinking of it.
My craving went bad since 16, and it's still getting worse.
I found my replacement drinks ( Hersh's Chocolate milk) and now I'm worried about having diabetes from lots of sugar.
I'M AFRAID. I MIGHT KILL ANYTHING IF IT GETS WORST
3. Hyper at night.
I have to walk or run at night 40 minutes minimum(when I just takes laps) to 2 hours or three if I may. Have been doing that for Years. I can handle myself. I get nervous at night. I have to do this.
I go out usually 10:30 PMthose days and arrives at 11:40PM. If I go out with my mom I walks until 0:30AM
It depends on my condition. I used to go at 9PM or even earlier like 7 at night.
I like wandering, but I almost always goes on a same road as if that's my area.
after that, I exercise.
I have insomnia which makes me sleep at 4-6am those days (I don't go to school for the rest of the year because I'm sick and I may fail the exam-permitted)
and I'm trying to get myself tired such as going out at noon.
4. Tired at daytime.
I am tired, but not sleepy. It's hard to get my body move on except inside the building.
Especially these days, I feel weak and tired under daylight. Too tired to move my legs forward to walk.
The solution is-I start my day outside at 5pm
I'm a 17-year-old South Korean, and I'm quiet different than any other. I was almost always this way, so if I already had the awakening process, I would had symptoms more noticible like when I was 8, 13, 14 and 17, which is now.
1. Sometimes I can't control my self-my muscles tensions, gets nervous, trembles-so all I have to do is scratching the floor or skins(results in hurting my self) I don't have this symptoms always, but It's pretty bad.
2. Craving for Blood/rare meat.
If I was vampiric I would only have craving for blood... but rare meat? that's kindda dangerous, because I got obsessed with thoughts with violence-to get rare meat.
I started to eat rare steaks these days...
my mom already knows when I need blood. I crave, of course. Mom says at that time I have dark circles around my eyes, and my eyes go kindda 'weird'and scary' though I don't know how do they looks
So she dragged me to the restorant. the waiter said that mostly once the people who tries rare steaks they change steaks to medium.
Once I tried rare , I was in love with it. Mom said I looked 'overly excited' but said wasn't a bad one.
I was too tired today, and mom took me and my friends to have rare steaks even though I wasn't 'prepared' to have one...
then I noticed something totaly different in me
I was overly excited, not tensioned and out of my mind(later my mom stated it as I was in coma)
and I couldn't get the meat out of my mind. RARE meats with Blood. It wasn't the first time I was obsessed with blood, so I was kindda ok with that
but when my friends and I went to buy animals, things were different.
My friend said with a turtle on her palm, "oh isn't that turtle lovely?'
and I tried to EAT IT. like biting it.
I was fortunate, because my friends knows my behavior when lossing mind...
I felt uncomfortable trying not to eat parrots. I almost grapped it but my friends stopped me.
I didn't feel anything at that time, I felt like, addicted to that feeling of violence of something.
mom said I was out of my focus, not focusing on anything.
Well then, I have a very good mom.
It was quiet fortunate for me to say things I need since I was 15 , such as:
"mom I want to drink blood"
She knows that, because I have actually drunk...and caused a problem when I was 13. I'm 17 now, and I just knew the vampire site.
When I was 13, after the problem, went to a hospital, found nothing, even psychiatry didn't help.
I thought I was mad when I was 13, and mom just ignored me and tried to find other solution. She had me have ferrum pills for years,
I tried to look normal, but the impulses changed to stress and violence... and finally, Bigger Impulses.
Nothing worked but time. I tried to calm my impulses shouting in me. Talked to my most truthful friend that I can't stop thinking of the blood IF someone talks about it, even a icon that my cause thinking of it.
My craving went bad since 16, and it's still getting worse.
I found my replacement drinks ( Hersh's Chocolate milk) and now I'm worried about having diabetes from lots of sugar.
I'M AFRAID. I MIGHT KILL ANYTHING IF IT GETS WORST
3. Hyper at night.
I have to walk or run at night 40 minutes minimum(when I just takes laps) to 2 hours or three if I may. Have been doing that for Years. I can handle myself. I get nervous at night. I have to do this.
I go out usually 10:30 PMthose days and arrives at 11:40PM. If I go out with my mom I walks until 0:30AM
It depends on my condition. I used to go at 9PM or even earlier like 7 at night.
I like wandering, but I almost always goes on a same road as if that's my area.
after that, I exercise.
I have insomnia which makes me sleep at 4-6am those days (I don't go to school for the rest of the year because I'm sick and I may fail the exam-permitted)
and I'm trying to get myself tired such as going out at noon.
4. Tired at daytime.
I am tired, but not sleepy. It's hard to get my body move on except inside the building.
Especially these days, I feel weak and tired under daylight. Too tired to move my legs forward to walk.
The solution is-I start my day outside at 5pm